Our Awesome, Amazing, Actually Autistic Boy!

by The Additional Needs Blogfather, posted in All Blog Posts, Parents/Carers

For parents of children with special/additional needs there is often so much negativity, so much that is hard, so much that makes us want to curl up in a ball and cry.  Two years ago, James had his first recorded epileptic event, adding a new chapter to his journey that already included chapters called ‘Autism’ and ‘Learning Difficulties’.  His struggles with epilepsy and other significant changes going on then caused him great anxiety, to the point where in the summer of 2017 he just stopped going out of the house; school, clubs, shops, church, his favourite café, everything just stopped…

For over a year he couldn’t cope with going anywhere, couldn’t even manage anything more than a few, tentative, steps out of the back door of our family home to collect things we had left there to try to coax him out, blinking, into the daylight.  For over a year he was isolated from the outside world other than visitors that came to the house, and even then his engagement was limited to a handful of people who he really trusted to get close enough.

In August last year, things started to change; James unexpectedly agreed to come out for a drive to the local tip, a curious choice for a first trip out after over a year, and hard to create a celebration there, but we did our best! This innocuous start led to other excursions, to the farm shop, to the café, and by the autumn of last year we even started to say the word “school” again!

It’s now eight months after that initial short trip to get rid of some garden waste, a trip that seemed to declutter something for James too.  Over the Easter holidays we’ve been able to enjoy some great times visiting James’ favourite places; here are a few of them:

The Tip:  Yes, it’s still there as a place to visit, James enjoying seeing stuff being thrown over the wall and watching all the huge machines that ‘live’ there.

The Farm Shop:  A must for a drive out, James is so well known there that everyone knows him and greets him by name, and they order in his favourite iced gingerbread specially!

The Café:  A little grassy airfield near Compton Abbas in north Dorset has a lovely café and we stop there for millionaire’s shortbread and lemonade; a perfect pit stop as James watches the little planes taking off and landing.

The Brewery Shop:  Yes, you did read that properly, we take our 16-year-old to the Hall & Woodhouse brewery shop, but for him to buy cans of ‘Rio’ his favourite tropical (and definitely non-alcoholic) drink.

And James has been getting back to school too…  Slowly, starting with a short visit once a week and building it up, now he is there for lunch and most of the afternoon, overcoming his anxiety and spending quality time with his school friends and the staff there.

We celebrated his achievements on the first day of the new term by, you guessed it, going to the tip!  We also went to the farm shop for James to do his shopping and say hello to the lovely staff there.  James was out of the house all afternoon and actually found it hard to come back inside the house when we got home, he wanted to do more!  It’s a million miles from where we were a year ago and we couldn’t be prouder of him… our awesome, amazing, actually autistic boy!

Maybe you see your child somewhere in James’ story…  Maybe they are stuck inside, anxious about going out anywhere, retreating to the safety of home.  Maybe you worry about whether this will ever change, whether there is hope for the future… James’ story says that there is always hope… always… so take heart, keep persevering, keep on keeping on and looking forward to that day when a simple trip to the tip becomes the best day of your year!  Then make sure the next trip involves a café… and cake! 🙂

Mark Arnold
April 24, 2019

Photo: © Mark Arnold

See also:

Do Miracles Still Happen For Children With Additional/Special Needs?
https://theadditionalneedsblogfather.com/2018/11/02/do-miracles-still-happen-for-children-with-additional-special-needs/

These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things – And They Are Back!
https://theadditionalneedsblogfather.com/2018/08/30/these-are-a-few-of-my-favourite-things-and-they-are-back/

23 thoughts on “Our Awesome, Amazing, Actually Autistic Boy!”

  5. This is amazing, so great to hear about the progress. At least you will now forever be able to enjoy your trips to the tip as it’s now a very special place for your family x

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  6. I am working with a young autistic man for over two years using a computer game to develop conversation. It’s taken a long time but there is an established routine and little steps of progress such as a walk around the local streets . Your story resonates with my experience. We need to gain permission to enter the very different worlds our autistic friends inhabit. With their eyes we can see a different world that surprisingly we can and should relate to

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  8. This sounds like fabulous progress. My eldest is difficult to get out sometimes, we used to persuade him with a trip to Comics and Nostalgia, but he grew out of the place. He currently loves going to my brothers flat..my brother lived in house for over 20 years and I don’t think my son went there more than twice, but he loves going to his flat! It’s the small victories which help make up the bigger picture and it sounds like your boy is doing well.

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    1. Thanks RaisieBay! 🙂 Yes, it’s the small victories that add up so it’s great to celebrate them! Writing this reply in the parents room of James’ school while he’s in his class having his lunch with his peers. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself a year ago that this day would come, it would have saved a lot of heartache!!

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  9. Loved reading this: I am so happy for James and for you. (At first I didn’t know what a “tip” was, but I got it as I kept reading. 😀) It is really encouraging to hear about his re-engagement with the world and discovery of new things to enjoy.

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  10. To the local tip! That put smiles on my face, already. What a choice, what a wonder, what a journey. Well done to James & you all. Thank you for sharing your encouraging story. 👍👏😊

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  11. Pingback: Who Would Have Believed This? What A Difference A Year Makes! – The Additional Needs Blogfather

  12. New to your blogs Mark.. just read the article you did ‘Meerkats and Lions’ in Church life – really hit me that one, and so true!.. With you in so many ways brother – blessings..

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