Jenny Wise homeschools her four awesome children. As any homeschooling parent knows, every day is an adventure, and Jenny has begun chronicling her experiences at Special Home Educator. She hopes to use the site to connect with other homeschoolers and to provide helpful advice to parents who may be considering a home education for their kids. Here, she guest posts on The Additional Needs Blogfather with some great wisdom about carer fatigue and self-care…
When you’re the parent of a child with special/additional needs, you’re not just running on fumes — you’re building an entire ecosystem out of thin air. Every day comes with dozens of decisions, invisible labour, and emotional whiplash. You learn to stretch time, energy, and patience past their limits. But even the most resilient parents hit a wall. Not because they’re doing it wrong — but because this is hard, and the cost of pretending otherwise shows up in your body, your mind, and your relationships. The key isn’t just rest — it’s visibility. You need to see the fatigue before it burrows in, and you need a self-care rhythm that matches your life, not some idealised version of it. Here’s how to start.
Notice the signals before they explode
Fatigue rarely kicks down the door. It drips in — missed meals, clenched jaws, forgotten appointments. Over time, you may start brushing off headaches, mood swings, or sleep disturbances as “just stress”, but those are all signals your body is waving like flags. Some parents even notice persistent exhaustion or weight changes that creep in without warning, and that’s when you know it’s not just “a bad week”. Your body is your first system of truth. Listen closely, especially when it starts speaking in symptoms instead of words. You’re not weak for feeling wrecked — you’re human for recognising it.
Anchor your plan in something nourishing
Let self-care include your body’s inputs. You can’t pour from an empty cup, but you also can’t fill it with caffeine and expect miracles. Start with one simple food-based adjustment, like choosing to include more fruit in your diet. It’s not about chasing a perfect diet — it’s about giving your body fuel that supports cognitive clarity, steady blood sugar, and energy that lasts past 3pm. Nourishment is a form of truth-telling. Your body will tell you what works. All you have to do is listen.
Create space for emotional reset
Right out of the gate, one of the most clarifying practices you can begin is reflective writing for emotional clarity. Even five minutes of journaling can help externalise your stress, spot repeating tensions, or just get the internal chaos onto paper. It’s not about writing well — it’s about dumping the emotional cargo so you can breathe again. Some days, a blank page will hold you better than a person. It’s one thing to be tired. It’s another to feel like you’re disappearing in the process. Caregiving pulls you so far into responsibility that your own emotional temperature gets buried.
Reset expectations to protect your energy
Parenting is already a masterclass in adapting, but when you’re parenting a child with complex needs, the baseline shifts constantly. You’re planning for meltdowns, IEPs, and medical calls — all before 10am. It’s crucial to understand how burnout escalates in phases, and why recognising escalating burnout stages gives you leverage. Knowing where you are in the arc lets you set expectations that are real, not aspirational. Maybe that means cancelling a playdate or saying no to a volunteer role. Boundaries aren’t selfish — they’re how you stay available for what really matters.
Get help in motion, not just in theory
You’ve heard it before: ask for help. But that’s often said like it’s an easy button — and it’s not. The deeper truth is that support has to be a regular part of your routine — not just once, but as a system. Whether that’s bringing in a respite worker for two hours a week or forming a WhatsApp thread with other parents for emotional triage, the point is to stop treating support like a bonus. Make it structural. Build it into your calendar the way you’d build in therapy or school drop-off. Consistency beats crisis mode, every time.
Let your body lead, even in fragments
You may not get a spa day. But your body doesn’t need luxury — it needs rhythm. Simple, repeated micro‑rituals that restore energy can interrupt the cycle of depletion. That might be stepping outside barefoot before breakfast, stretching while your kid finishes lunch, or playing a favourite playlist while folding laundry. These aren’t “nice to haves”; they’re reboots. They remind your nervous system that you exist outside of caregiving, even if only for five minutes. Don’t wait for perfect windows — take the slivers.
Make money part of your self-care
This one gets overlooked, but financial instability is one of the most chronic stress sources for parents managing care. You don’t need to have it all figured out — but you do need visibility. Start by building financial self‑care stability into your planning. That could mean identifying a recurring expense that could be automated or re-evaluating how you track reimbursements. When your money map is clearer, your mental space is freer. You’re not budgeting just currency — you’re budgeting cortisol. Every financial decision is also an emotional one.
You don’t have to master this overnight. You just need a version of it that lives inside your actual life. Start by naming the fatigue. Map what’s draining you. Then pick two or three points of care — small, doable, and consistent. Maybe it’s journaling, meal tweaks, and texting a friend once a week. Maybe it’s asking your partner to take bedtime duty twice a week. Whatever you build, let it flex. You’re not chasing perfection. You’re claiming permission. And you deserve a care plan that doesn’t just “fit” — it feeds you.
Discover heartfelt stories and insights on inclusion and faith at The Additional Needs Blogfather, where every voice is celebrated and every journey is shared.
Written by Jenny Wise at Special Home Educator. Reposted here with permission.
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