This is a guest blog from Molly Ashton, a long term home educating mum. She and her husband have four children, two by birth and two by adoption. Their older two are now young adults and she continues to home educate their girls; additional needs are a part of this journey…
This morning has not been a good one. My first reaction is to justify myself; I’m not a bad mum; the meltdowns and array of other behaviour one doesn’t want to talk about in polite company are not my fault. But, if you are reading this, you will know that already as you too are walking a similar pathway. This afternoon happens to be the slot I had allocated to make a start on a blog post about home education and additional needs; how well it works for our children, how we can adapt our learning to their specific needs and abilities, and what a blessing it is to be able to grow and learn alongside our precious children. As I said, this morning has been bad, probably the worst we’ve had for quite some time. And yet, having taken several deep breaths, prayed a lot, come outside to give myself some space and downed a warm mug of tea, I am still just as passionate about the benefits of home education and just as determined to keep going, despite the days like today (which are thankfully becoming far less frequent).
So, what is it about home education that makes me so determined to continue, despite the challenges, weariness and frustrations? I am fortunate in that I experienced home education without the complications of additional needs (although dyslexia is a big part one of our sons’ learning) before I began to navigate it with all the extra complexities. I have seen first hand how children’s natural curiosity can be nurtured, their individual gifts and abilities can be cultivated, how family relationships are deepened and how faith is rooted and watered. I too have seen, both in our sons’ lives and those of their contemporaries, how they enter the adult world with a faith strong and discerning, an emotional resilience to cope with the considerable storms some of them have faced, and a sense of purpose which allows them to live life alongside others to the full. Home education has been a success for this group of young adults.
These are the adult children of parents who have made the intentional choice to home educate; they will have faced considerable challenges, including opposition, but have weathered these alongside many joys and celebrations. However, I have noticed a different voice arising within the home ed community over the years, one increasing in volume and intensity. This is the voice of those families who are not walking this journey through choice but by default; school just hasn’t worked for their children. It is a voice which rings with pain, exhaustion and overwhelm. I feel it is a voice which requires a response of compassion and empathy before possible solutions are offered.
I’ve heard home educators being described either as immigrants or refugees. An immigrant to the land of home education will be here by choice, they will have prayed, researched, found community, maybe delved into their own home ed philosophy or “why’s” and will be developing a pedagogy of their own. Refugees are not here out of choice; they have found themselves in the land of home education because our overstretched school system, with the best will in the world, doesn’t have the capacity to meet their children’s extra needs. I would like to note here that I don’t believe this is the fault of teachers, but simply a consequence of an overwhelmed system. I would strongly recommend that all available means are put in to leaving school as well as possible, with relationships intact. If it is you who finds yourself in this position, you will need to know there is hope, and I would love to assure you that there most definitely is. More than that, once you have had time to heal, you could be embarking upon a way of life which despite the numerous challenges will be more fulfilling, exciting, joy filled and purposeful than you could imagine.
So what are some of the factors you will need to weigh up before you take this life changing decision? Your resources, both financial and time are obvious ones. The impact on marriage, siblings, paid work and other commitments all need to be considered. Also the reality is that although your child is almost certain to be better regulated at home as you will have more control over the environment by minimising some of the stress factors (noise/lighting/tactile stimulation etc) as well as adapting expectations, the same issues that make school difficult will still be with your child. The big difference is that you have the time and space to help your child work to his/her strengths, learn to identify and verbalise the difficulties and problem solve a way through.
Another factor to consider is how you will maintain your own equilibrium. Are there family members or friends who can look after your children sometimes? Many of us don’t have this back up, and it is possible to find ways to nurture yourself; it just requires more creativity and planning.
What could you expect if you are home educating? Firstly, it is a different experience to those whose children do not have the kaleidoscope of differences ours have. It is tempting to compare, but please don’t. For example, you might glimpse a beautifully curated Instagram square expounding the richness of a child’s Plato studies. For your child of a similar age, simply getting dressed and having ten minutes of focused attention in a morning is an achievement worth celebrating. Don’t knock it…it is. Celebrate!
Home education allows you to create a completely bespoke education for your children, nurturing their abilities and talents, and finding ways around their difficulties. Each child is unique and you don’t need to conform to any preconceived targets. You have the awesome blessing of being able to live and learn from a Biblical foundation guided by the Spirit’s promptings, and infuse your days with outdoor adventures, cosy story times, curiosity driven learning and insights into their world through ongoing conversation. All this takes time, energy and gallons of grace and forgiveness but I am deeply thankful we are able to walk this journey and continue to learn together through it.
Molly is a long term home educating mum. She and her husband have four children, two by birth and two by adoption. Their older two are now young adults and she continues to home educate their girls; additional needs are a part of this journey.
She has complied “Another Way to Learn? – Discovering the beauty of Home Education” https://www.anotherwaytolearn.co.uk/
and authored “The Kites Tale – a journey of adoption” https://amzn.eu/d/grh380X
If you are curious to know more about home education there’s lots of advice at Mended Teacups home ed podcast: https://mendedteacups.wordpress.com/ or join Molly and a group of home educating mums on their new podcast venture, Rooted to Flourish https://rootedtoflourish.family.blog/
Molly offers half hour mentoring calls for Streams https://streams.education/mentoring/ Find out more or book a call via her blog at Mothering through the Seasons. https://motheringthroughtheseasons.com/
I hope you enjoyed this guest blog. If you would like to contribute a guest blog to The Additional Needs Blogfather, please contact me via the ‘Contact’ page of this site.
All the best,
Mark
Header photo and one additional photo by Compare Fibre on Unsplash. Other photo’s by Unseen Studio on Unsplash and by Giovanni Gagliardi on Unsplash
The Additional Needs Blogfather 